说“不”的艺术-凯发app官方网站

说“不”的艺术

it’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

一个很简单的事实，如果你承诺的太多，你就永远无法变得高效。你让自己承受的太多，以致于你无法搞定所有的事情，至少无法完美或者按时地完成。

but requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, im or in person. to stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the gentle art of saying no — an art that many people have problems with.

但是总会有一些要用到你时间的不情之请——通过电话，邮件，聊天软件或者是当面被提出。想要保持高效率、低压力，你就需要学会这门说“不”的艺术——一个很多人都不会的艺术。

what’s so hard about saying no? well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

说个不能有多难？首先，这可能会伤害，激怒你说不的对象，也可能会使他失望，这并不是一件有趣的事情。其次，如果你希望以后和他共事，你就会想和他保持一个良好的关系。但是这个“不”要是说不好，就会妨碍到你们的关系。

but it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. here are the top 10 tips for learning the gentle art of saying no:

但其实这不必让你们的关系变得困难或者僵硬。下面的十个妙招让你学会说“不”的艺术。

value your time. know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. and tell them that: “i just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”

1.珍惜你的时间。意识到你许下的诺，然后意识到你的时间有多么宝贵。然后，当有人让你花时间去做一件新的事情的时候，你就会很清楚你不能去做那件事。然后告诉他们：我现在真的不行，我的事情真的是太多了。

know your priorities. even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? for myself, i know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.

2.明白什么最重要。即使你真的有一些额外的时间（这对于我们大多数来说不太可能），你真的想把时间花在这件事情上面吗？对我来说，我知道承诺越多，就意味着和我的妻子孩子在一起的时间就越少，对我来说还会有什么比他们更重要。

practice saying no. practice makes perfect. saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. and sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. when they keep insisting, just keep saying no. eventually, they’ll get the message.

3.练习说不。孰能生巧。你说不说的越多，你就会说得越好而且越自然。有些时候，重复地说这个字是让那些最为顽固的人听明白的唯一方法。他们一直坚持，你就一直说不。最终，他们会懂的。

don’t apologize. a common way to start out is “i’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. while politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. you need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.

4.不要道歉。一般的开场白都是：“我很抱歉，但是...”因为人们觉得这样很礼貌。当然，礼貌很重要，但是道歉只能让你显得不坚定。你应该下定决心，而且不为捍卫自己的时间而道歉。

stop being nice. again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. when you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. but if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.

5.停止友好。没错，礼貌很重要，但是总是友好地说yes只会伤到你自己。当你让人们觉得掠夺你的时间（或金钱）很容易的时候，他们就会一直这样做。但如果你竖起一堵墙，他们就会去寻找更容易的目标了。通过尽可能多地拒绝（那些不重要的事）和坚定的心态来告诉他们你的时间是被很好地捍卫的。

say no to your boss. sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? and if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. but in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. if your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.

6.向你的老板说不。有时候我们觉得得向我们的老板说是-他们毕竟是我们的老板，不是吗？如果我们说不的话，好像显得我们不能很好的完成工作--至少这是很大众的推理。但实际上，这正好相反--跟你的老板解释，同时接手太多的活儿会让你的效率降低而且会耽误你当前的任务。如果你的老板坚持让你去做这个事情，那么重新看看你的任务清单，然后让他或她重新给你的任务排个优先顺序，并告诉他们你一次只能做那么多。

pre-empting. it’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. if you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and i won’t be able to take on any new requests.”

7.提前清除。提前清除别人请求的想法要比请求提出后说不容易得多。如果你感觉请求就要来了，比如在一个会上，那么你一到会上就尽快告诉所有人，“你们瞧，只是让你们知道，我这周都成紧急任务了，没法在接新活儿了。”

get back to you. instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. this will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “after giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, i won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” at least you gave it some consideration.

8.考虑一下。除了给出你的答案，告诉他你会考虑他的请求并且回复他往往会更好。这会让你考虑考虑，检查你的任务和优先事项。然后，如果你无法答应这个请求，简单地告诉他们：“我想了想，看了看我的日程，我最近没法儿完成这件事儿。”至少你考虑了一下他的请求。

maybe later. if this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “this sounds like an interesting opportunity, but i just don’t have the time at the moment. perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.

9.或许晚些时候。如果你想留给他一个机会，而不是完全拒绝他，你当然可以这样说：“这听起来非常有趣，但是我现在没有时间来做这件事。也许你可以（一段时间）后再来找我。下一次，当他们再来找你时，你可能就会有一些空闲时间了。

it’s not you, it’s me. this classic dating rejection can work in other situations. don’t be insincere about it, though. often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

10.这不是因为你，而是我的原因。这个经典的拒绝法则可适用于其他情况。但是，千万不要虚伪。有时候，无论是这个项目还是这个人都很不错，但是它就是不适合你，至少这次不适合你。你可以简单地说出来——你可以称赞这个主意，这个项目，这个人，这个团队...但是告诉他这不太适合你，或者这不是你当前所追求的。只有你真的是这样想的时候才可以这样说——人们是可以感觉到虚伪的。

what are your ways of saying “no”? let us know in the comments.

你是怎么说“不”的？写在评论里，让大家都学习下。